Leader: Technically take the mindfulness out of this excersize, because as I take you fools through this pointless feat your minds will only stay mindful on my sultry voice. No relaxing. Mindfullness, even of my bad hot self, requires action, and concentration. So, Let's proceed my favorite crazy ho's.
Leader: Ok, Let's begin with finding an alert but comfortable position on your chair and close your eyes. Carrie, not under the damn chair. Put your stink ass, fungi riddled, pointed toenail, feet flat on the ground. Now, place your twigs either on each side of the chair arms or put them on the table in front of you if you can support your huge ass head. Don't flatter yourself, your head's comprised mostly of manure and methane bubbles. Be mindful of your butt sitting on the chair. Your ass is growing exponentially with time. How huge might your ass be in 2013? Picture the ripples of fat that exist on your ass at this moment. Embrace this picture. Move upwards to your arms. Feel their useless dead weight hanging off your fucking body. Stay mindful. Know one day wrinkles and arthritis will aflict them. Be self assured in your mindfullness. Now, it's time to become mindful of our breath. Of your stomachs hitting the table you sit a foot away from when you out breathe and of your stomachs not moving when you in breathe. Feel a chocolate cream filled donut slide down your throat, with a gulp of milk. Feel it bottom out in your stomach. I know what your mindful of now. Another fucking donut. This mindfulness experience is not a diet program. If necessary repeat the act. If not open your eyes and admit you sit with the same losers that you sat with when you began this venture. Please be mindful that nothing changes except everything, so get a grip and move on to mindlessness. A fool's playground.
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